Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Kirsten Bouthiller

Dear Dad,



Just in case you ever wonder,

I’m doing alright.

My grades are decent,

Sean is good,

and hockey is hockey. You know how that goes.

Well,

I still don’t like that singing teacher. But don’t get the wrong impression.

I’m being good. Quiet. I swear, I don’t say a word unless she speaks to me.

I decided that singing like a man is the only way to please her and it seems to so far.




You know,

it’s weird, Dad.

This life,

this everything.




Sometimes I think it’s great. Everything is just working itself out. But this time, I don’t know.

I will never truly know.

But what if there is more to all of this?

What if I make the wrong choice,

or fail?

Or fall and can’t find the will to get back up...

Will you lend me your hand?

You once made a promise to me that you would

saying that you will

always love me.

always hug me.

always be on my side.

And you wanted me to know that…

just in case I ever wonder.




I do wonder sometimes,

as I stare out into the depths of space,

if you mean it.

If you mean each and every word

that you have promised me.




How do you know that you will always be by my side?

What if the distance is too great and I somehow lose touch? What then, will we do? There are so many questions, Dad.

So many that you seem to know the answers to.

And how can you be so sure?

Why can you see this great destiny while all I see is the uncertainty between my shifting toes?



And just in case you ever wonder, I never go a day without you here. Each choice, memory, and each run, you are there. Do you remember... do you remember my first cross country race? I ran so hard but wore myself out by the second lap and yet, you ran next to me the whole time. You told me I could do it. And I did. Look at me now, Dad. Look at how fast I am. How smart, tall, strong, and how much like you I am. And you told me to stand by my convictions and I’m doing just that. You told me that I’m a writer and I could write the world into a better place. Maybe that’s what I’ll do. If you believe it, maybe I can.




And just in case you have ever wondered, Dad,

I will always love you.







Love,

Boo