Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Journal Entries by 133

I’ve tried day in and day out to show the world that I’m worth something, that I can prevail through all of the stress and b.s. revolving around me. It’s hard, sure it is, what isn’t nowadays? You wake up at 6:30 a.m., brush your teeth, wash your face, get dressed, make sure everything in your room is put away and all the lights are turned off, lock your door, take the key out, look back and see that your book is still on your desk, so you put your keys down and grab the book, and walk out again. You walk down the dark hallway, because no one ever wakes up as early as you, and the light switch is at the other end of the hall. Down the stairs, slowly and quietly, making sure not to wake anyone else up. Open the door and step outside into the freezing, bitter cold air, stop! - and then realize you left your keys in your locked room - on the desk where your book was. I’ve started more days like that, more than I can count on both hands. I’ll go eat breakfast, see my friends, and realize that somehow, in the six hours of sleep I got the previous night, I did something “terribly, unforgivably wrong” with my girlfriend, and have to endure countless, never-ending hours of being ignored and having to think about what it was I could have possibly done - while I was sleeping. As soon as I get to my classes I notice that I have the wrong binder, and because of this, don’t have the homework for the day. Lunch comes quickly, and there again I’m greeted with cold eyes, and a shrug of the shoulder. After my classes are finished, I go back to my dorm, call my parents to say “hello,” and get bombarded with “did you finish your college essays?! Did you send them in?! you can’t come home until they’re done! Get moving! Maybe we can find a college for you that doesn’t have homework, haha!”
So let’s recap: 1) locked out of room because I left my keys on my desk; 2) girlfriend is mad at me for something I did while I was asleep; 3) didn’t turn in my homework because I brought the wrong binders to class; 4) girlfriend is mad at me for something I did while I was asleep; 5) parents are pushing me too hard to get college work done, and now can not come home or do anything else until they are, in fact, done. Of course, I’ll be able to get into my room later, all I have to do is find my dorm parent. I’ll send my homework via e-mail, and still get some sort of grade. I’ll sit down at my desk for twenty minutes and finish my essays. And hopefully I’ll realize what I did wrong, and apologize for the right thing later that same night. I’ll always be able to handle the pressure, it’s just a lot to deal with all in one sitting.

I’ll do what I can
Do my own thing
Listen to no one but myself
I’ll prove them all wrong
It’s my destiny
And mine alone.

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