News Roundup. Two prose poems by Ian Riley

Rich White Kid Votes for Romney

In a shocking turn of events, self described “rich white kid” Johnny Clark voted for Mitt Romney in the election this past Tuesday. When asked why he voted for Mr. Romney, Clark was quoted as saying that “My parents like him,” and “He’s better than that Muslim socialist we have now.” When asked to elaborate, Clark refused, as there was a special about the ease of birth certificate falsification on Fox News that he had to get home to catch.

 

Hugo Chavez Discreetly Volunteers Election-Fixers’ Services

Calling them “the best in the business” Hugo Chavez reportedly called President Barack Obama to offer the services of his famed election fixers. “Barry looked a little soft in the debate on Tuesday night, and I want to help him in any way I can,” Chavez said while strangling his fourth Venezuelan peasant of the day. “If these guys can get me elected then they won’t have any trouble at all with him.” When reached out to for comment, Obama was unavailable, as he was feverishly looking through the Constitution to make sure Chavez’s help was not explicitly forbidden.